Give Way

I sit and think about my back today. How it just gave out on a random day… But then I think of all it did before it gave out…

I carried two babies to full term. I rocked both of them to sleep for over a year each. I walked for hours while holding them many nights when the had colds. I changed thousands of diapers. Cleaned up spit up and throw up. I leaned over many beds to rubs their back, sing them a song or pat their butts to help them sleep on their own. I picked them up every time they reached up to me. I knelt over many bath tubs every night to get them clean. I picked them up when they fell. I dusted them off. Leaned over to whisper encouragement in their ears and gave them kisses. I climbed many stairs to get the nightmares away. I carried them up many stairs. I read them million of bed time stories. I leaned over many car seats to buckle them in. I sat on hard floors to play cars, my little pony’s, trains, little people and Polly’s. I’ve sat on my knees for hours after my baby girls heart surgery bc she couldn’t sleep without my hand on her. I slept on hard floors, horrible hospital furniture, small beds and recliners just to help my kids sleep better. I’ve walked the whole zoo while pushing them so they wouldn’t get tired. Held them up to stare at the animals as long as they wanted. Held them up to reach the monkey bars, helped them go across until they could learn how. Pushed them on thousands of swings. Caught them at the end of the slides. Pushed them round and round on a little cars until they could learn to do it. Ran beside their bikes while trying to teach them to keep balance and peddle. I sat in car pool lanes all week. Sat on hard little sits in cafeterias to eat lunch with you. Went on field trips where I was pulled in million of directions. I’ve played in the pools every summer. Taught them to swim. Played in the cold snow. Built snowmen and threw snowballs while being hit too. Chased them, jumped with them, tossed them up to catch them and played day after day with them.

I watched many other babies and kids. 15 to be exact. I treated them as my own. Rocked them, feed them and played with them too. Made them feel loved while their parents were working hard. I gave many Volunteer hours at many schools.

I spent countless hours on my hands and knees cleaning the floors. Cleaning everyone’s rooms. I’ve folded and put away mounds and mounds of clothes. I scrubbed toilets, bath tubs, dishes and sinks. I made many breakfasts, lunches and sat at the kiddy table to make them smile. I’ve walked many dogs, been dragged down stairs by those dogs. Taken many falls, on flat ground and stairs.

I’ve taken jobs that required hours of standing on hard floors. Bagged tons of items others have purchase to bring home a little check to my family. I’ve mopped huge floors, cleaned restaurant toilets, gas station toilets and hardware toilets the grossest ones ever. I’ve been assaulted by a drunk at the gas station, held at gun point and had tools thrown at my head while working in returns at the hardware store. I’ve stood for 12hrs straight with no break bc I was the only who could work. I’ve stocked tons of shelves. Washed tons of dishes that were not mine. I did all that. You gave me many moments good and bad before you finally gave way. You showed me if I want more moments I have to take care of me and It’s ok to take care of me.

It is the back of a stay at home mommy. A working mommy and wife. It gave me years to love, care and work. It needed some rest, and I didn’t listen. I put a lot on my poor little back. It held up as long as it could. It gave way just like life will if you don’t take a minute to rest and take care of yourself.

I have tons of stretch marks and scars but I’m proud of everyone of them because its all part of my journey. This is just a painful part. I’m healing everyday and getting stronger. I hear you back, loud and clear.

💞Audrey

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