Struggling to find the Love

I can’t take the nasty stares and comments anymore… It cuts deep. I’m struggling to see and feel the love.

After the age of 12… I have found that some people hold my mistakes right in my face. I’m wore down to the bone with this.

Is every choice you make looked down on?

As a parent myself I find this hurtful and harder and harder to take. That’s the main reason I don’t go anywhere or visit any family much. I hate being hurt and having to leave bc I’m holding back tears.

It seems I will Never be good enough. Anything bad that has happened is my fault. Every choice I make is wrong… my kids are only good bc their scared. My husband is unhappy bc I’m not good enough for him. I’m fat, I laugh to loud, I’m too much like my dad, I’m acting like my mother, I’m ugly… I’m raising my kids wrong. I’m not a good wife.

Well let me let you in my heart for a minute…it has taken me a long time to be able to say this.

I am a Good mother. My kids are healthy and happy. They don’t get into much trouble. They listen. Because Love is given freely in our home, we stick to our rules, we don’t cave in bc they cry and that doesn’t mean we don’t show them love. I DO know what’s BEST for my kids. I am very GOOD to my husband. I may not cook or do the grocery shopping but I am faithful. I show him love and compassion…¬† Don’t compare my kids to other kids… don’t compare me to other women.

WORDS HURT!

And How can you say I wouldn’t do “this or that” when you didn’t grow up with “this or that”. Think about this a minute way back when… the awesome tv came out! Not everyone had one but everyone wanted one. Then the computer… everyone was like I would never buy a computer now they are in almost every home. Same with cell phones. It is the way of the world.  Progress People!

And while I’m at it… it drives me nuts when people say “only certain people” should have a Facebook… that just like saying only pretty people can shop at stores. Hate much??

AGAIN I’m DYING TO ASK… If you don’t like Facebook why do you have one yourself???

Lasted I checked Facebook is away to keep intouch. Store your memories. Save the dates for those memories. Say happy Birthday to those you don’t get to see, How is me posting how I feel, pics of myself or my kids bad?? It’s FACE~book so yes I take “face Pictures” and I write about my day! Stop with the Judging already.

You could try to come from a place of love and give advice but at this point I know nothing will change. I’m 31 year’s old and it hasn’t changed. It’s easy to call out other’s faults and ignore your own faults.

Question for you:
Have you prayed about all these things that bother you as much as you’ve talked about them??

I won’t fight for your love or acceptance anymore. A quote I seen a while back sticks out to me and I will end with it…

“Your quick to judge this generation but look at who raised us”

End Rant..
Audiebelle

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